EAST COAST ARMS RACE: 2020

War is upon us! With the NHL All Star game 2 weeks in the rearview mirror, teams face down the final 20 games of the season and must decide who is all in and who must surrender the season and salvage any assets they can from their failed campaigns. The top dogs in the Eastern Conference are already in the throes of roster tinkering by stockpiling skill and depth players to push for a chance at the most precious trophy in all of professional sports. 

This year is shaping up to have more carnage than previous seasons as the entire Metro Division is sniffing the playoffs. Here is an overlook of the big dogs in the east and what has already transpired and may come in the next week leading up to the February 24th trade deadline.

THE SUPER POWERS

Washington Capitals

The best team in the NHL is again looking pretty invincible. The Caps are so god damn stacked right now that their second line would be most teams’ first line. Pile on top of that a 3rd line of Hagelin-Eller-Panik that carries so much speed that no teams can really match up the assault. Washington’s 4th line is made up of guys from a local Make a Wish campaign, but gone are the days of teams winning games with their 4th line. 

For as world class as the Capitals forward group is, their defense is beatable. Carlson is absolutely an offensive beast, but pairing him with Orlov has been problematic and Kempny as a partner has been just OK. They plain and simple give up too many chances. 

Enter Brenden Dillon. The Capitals traded for the lefty Defenseman today sending the Sharks 2nd and 3rd round picks. Not a bad deal for the Caps, as Dillon addresses this team’s only glaring deficiency. This makes what- the 5th or 6th year in a row the Caps have traded for a Dman at the deadline? 

Pittsburgh Penguins

The Penguins again look like they’ve found the speed necessary to play at the pace coach Mike Sullivan demands from his line up. Last week GM Jim Rutherford continued to pile on the skinny fast guys as if he was playing NES Ice Hockey by bringing in Jason Zucker from the Minnesota Wild. With only 3 games into his tenure as a Penguin, Zucker looks like a great fit on Crosby’s wing. This is likely the end of the Penguins search for a replacement on the left wing after Jake Geuntzel went on IR 7 weeks ago. Pittsburgh needs an extra depth defenseman as Mike Sullivan has shown that he does not have enough faith in Jusso Riikola, often moving righty Chad Ruhwhedal over to the left side before playing Riikola. 

Tampa Bay Lightning

How this team doesn’t put up 13 goals a game is beyond me. Last year they looked like the Harlem Globetrotters and then they pissed all over themselves in the playoffs. This year’s Lightning has the same unbelievable scoring touch, and the same unstoppable goalie. Vasilevsky can certain carry this team through a bad matchup over a playoff series. The Lightning have a pretty solid 1-6 Defencemen corp that could weather even the nastiest of playoff series. Yesterday, Tampa went out and got Blake Coleman from the New Jersey Devils for a 1st round pick and projected NHL player Nolan Foote. Coleman hits, blocks shots, and when you give him 23 minutes a night, he scores 20 goals. He isn’t going to produce much scoring going to The Lightning where he’ll likely log about 12 min time on ice, but he can make them a more physical team at a favorable cap hit, with an extra year on his contract at 1.8 mil per year. Major overpay, but this team needs to make the Cup Finals or the fanbase is going to revolt.

Toronto Maple Leafs

Holy shit am I tired of hearing about the Leafs’ problems. They have fucking Tavares, Matthews, Marner and Nylander. Give me a fucking break. Some part of your roster has to kinda suck to blow half your cap hit on an all star team. They are fast, talented and fun to watch. The Leafs have struck first blood in the Arms Race by acquiring Kyle Clifford and Jack Campbell from the Kings for Trevor Moore and a 3rd round pick or two. This was a great move by Dubas- move a guy out that will never get the minutes on a stacked roster to achieve his full potential, relieve your goalie situation and bring in one of the nastier skaters in the league to play sheriff. I highly doubt Dubas is done at this point, with the Toronto media breathing down his neck to get a top 4 Defenceman, and a few RFA contracts up this season that there is simply no cap room to resign. Kasperi Kapanen specifically looks like Toronto’s best trade chip right now. 

Boston Bruins

The Bruins need another top 6 winger. What the fuck else is new?

The biggest rumors have been that the Bruins are in on trade talks for Toffoli, Josh Anderson and Chris Kreider to give Krejci a winger. Toffoli just got dealt to Vancouver, so ya snooze, ya lose, dipshits.  I don’t think it is likely for Boston to acquire more than 1 of these players without moving a major contract out, but anything is possible with the Ottawa Senators cap laundering service open for business. The Bruins should be looking for more speed at the trade deadline than brawn, but much like their entire fanbase, they are fucking idiots. 

Don’t try to tell me this guy’s dad isn’t a giraffe.

The best guess is that Boston brings homegrown half human/half giraffe Chris Kreider in from the Rangers for a 1st and 2nd rd pick. That will be less than the Rangers are asking but get real for a minute, Kreider will walk and get overpaid in free agency. He could even look for a 1 year deal and wait for the Seattle franchise to put a C on his jersey at 8mil+ a year. Dude has options, man. Kreider fulfills Boston’s bloodlust with a brutal playing style where he hits like a truck, has speed and a rocket shot. Josh Anderson would be a consolation prize if a west coast team beats Boston out for Kreider.

THE PRETENDERS

Columbus Blue Jackets

How the hell are the Blue Jackets a playoff team this year? They aren’t. They lost everything in the offseason. This team doesn’t have the nuts and bolts to make a serious run, but Torts should get 5 Coach of the Year awards all at once if he gets them as far as the first round. The city should thank him for the extra revenue by allowing him to park anywhere he wants and a year’s worth of Hounddog’s pizza. They will neither be sellers nor buyers at the deadline. This franchise needs an elite talent to be the face. Fucking no one wants to look at Nick Foligno, much less buy his jersey.

New York Islanders

This is the most BORING team to watch in the entire league. I would rather watch the Senators shit and piss all over themselves every night than have to watch a bunch of dudes named Brock and Anders play slow and steady trap hockey. There is no chance they acquire any players that move the needle, but they did just get Andy Greene from the Devils for a pick and a warm body that will never make the majors. Big whoop. 

Carolina Hurricanes

The Hurricanes lost Dougie Hamilton to injury a month ago and are reportedly shopping for defensive help to replace the fallen soldier. Even without Hamilton, the Canes have a pretty decent top 4 defensive corp. Rumors are that Carolina is kicking the tires on The Wild’s Matt Dumba. If he gets moved, Dumba will be the best player traded at the deadline. Carolina is already pretty young, they could afford to toss picks and prospects for a proven commodity like Dumba.